The Failed Art of Nagging

It always happens – I ask for something to get done and receive no results. I ask again and still nothing. Ask a third time or more? I’m just being annoying at this point. I have become an obnoxious little gnat that keeps buzzing around your face.

The other night I asked my husband to do the dishes. The next day I went out shopping with my in-laws and come home to find that same sinkful of dishes sitting there waiting to be washed. I looked at my husband, “Don’t forget I asked you to do the dishes.” He replies immediately saying that he had forgotten but would for sure that night.

Time ticked away and, as I see him continuously sitting on the couch, I remind him again. Now I’ve turned myself into the nagging wife who isn’t giving him a chance to do the dishes before asking again. I reminded him about his uncanny ability to be reminded to do something multiple times yet, still, he “forgets”.

Morning arrives and I get out of bed to go get the baby out of her crib. I change her diaper and we play for a bit in her room. Now it’s time for breakfast. I open the door to my daughter’s room and follow behind her as she slowly stumbles down the hallway. We turn the corner to head into the kitchen and, low and behold, there is that same sinkful of dishes staring me dead in the face.

:sigh:

It Can Wait

Yesterday was a Mommy & Me day.

My husband went to the UVA vs Miami game with his dad. My father-in-law likes to spend a multitude of hours tailgating beforehand so even though the game didn’t start until 7:00p, they left my house around noon. (Keep in mind we live less than an hour away from UVA.)

L and I went to a baby shower then came right back home. I’ve been putting off doing chores around the house lately but yesterday my mindset was that I’d get things done once and for all yesterday after the shower.

Nope. Didn’t happen.

I got a couple of things done but not nearly as much as I should have (or could have). Instead, I decided to spend my time playing with my daughter. These days she is constantly on the go. She attempts to run from room to room; she is still fairly new at this walking thing so her run looks more like when a drunk person is doing a quick stumble right before they fall to the ground.

She’s growing so fast. I love watching her learn new things and play. If only it were possible to slow time down a bit, right?

We ended our Mommy and Me night snuggled up watching Mr. Peabody and Sherman until we fell asleep.

My husband came home from the game to find us still snuggled up togetger. He carried L to her crib and kissed her goodnight. Moments like those make my heart overflow with love. I truly am blessed and every second of last night was well worth saying “it can wait” to all those chores I still have left to do.

The beauty of it all

My mom isn’t the girliest of girls and she didn’t allow my sister and I to use make-up until we were in high school when we could basically buy it for ourselves. With that, I’m not one of those girls who depends on make-up to make me feel pretty or good about myself.

I’m a firm believer in only using make-up to accentuate, not to cover up one’s natural beauty. More often than not I don’t even use make-up.

What makes me feel beautiful is knowing that I don’t need it. I am a good person with a big heart and I love to make people smile and laugh.

Beauty truly does come from within. I can honestly say that I, for one, will be raising my daughter with this same knowledge; she does not need someone or something to make her feel beautiful.

A Full Plate

The past week and a half has been especially stressful.

We have been going through the aforementioned changes at my company and I feel like we’re just hitting roadblock after roadblock. I’m all for helping out to ensure a smooth transition but, at this point, when my own work is beginning to fall to the way side, I am beyond frustrated and I can feel myself desperately biting back the bitter and unprofessional words that are circling around in my head ready to come pouring out of my mouth at any given second.

I pumped myself up and readied myself for the changes that I was going to have to go through and now that I’ve gotten my mind prepared, I don’t want to back track. I’m ready for these changes and am excited to learn new things.

Lately I have been more tired than usual. I think it’s all the stress weighing me down. My plate is stacked high with so many things to do and people to deal with. I’m irritated and feeling burdened by choices that I wasn’t given the option to make.

Days like these I fully welcome my 40 minute commute home after a 9+ hour work day so I can unwind. Not to mention how amazing it feels to walk in my front door to the big goofy grin on my beautiful daughter’s face as she waddles up to welcome me home.

End of The First Quarter

It’s over.

As of November 14, 2014 at 12:18 am the first twenty five years of my life came to a screeching halt.

I wake up this morning thinking back on the obstacles I faced, the friends that I made, the friends that I lost, and the blessings I was given.

It’s been a good life so far, despite a couple of tragedies. As I begin this next quarter I hope for more good times than bad, a possible addition to our family (I’m still deciding), financial stability (or at least something close to it), and hopefully buying a home of our own (have I mentioned how much I despise renting?).

The past few days have been super hectic for me. I worked yesterday, too, and I can officially say that I will never work on my birthday ever again if I can help it. If everything could go wrong yesterday, it did.

This week at work has been full of frustrations and yesterday was no different. But, I kept my positive mindset as best as possible and made it through the work day.

I must say, walking through my front door never felt better. I was finally home with my husband and our children. We have his older two with us this weekend and I’m so happy. Laurel ADORES her big sisters just as much as they adore her and nothing warms my heart more than watching them laugh and play together.

Last night we went out to eat dinner and today we plan on going to Illuminate Lights at our local fairgrounds. It’s new this year and looks pretty awesome. I’m excited!

Cheers to twenty five more years! ♡

Change

I’ve never been very accepting of change. Honestly, not many people are. It’s different. It’s unfamiliar. But this change? This change is good.

The company I work for is going through some changes that had an effect upon my position with them. Since I’m such an amazing employee (no, really!) my company made room for me to move to another department. I probably should have made this move on my own at least a year ago, but, I got comfortable and when I get comfortable I don’t want to change a thing. I’m a sucker for sticking with what I know.

Now that this change is my only choice, I have experienced a mixture of feelings over the past couple of weeks. Anxiety,  discomfort, reluctance, self doubt.

Self Doubt. My biggest enemy. I’ve always questioned myself and the things I’m worthy of and I have never allowed myself the chance to shine the way I know, deep down, that I can.

Today marks the beginning of my training. During my 40 minute drive to work I attempted to pump myself up. Yes, in that super cheesy way of telling myself things like “you’ve got this!”, “be confident”, “you will not fail.” I turned up the volume on my radio and got myself in a good mood. Music always does that for me.

I’m half way through my work day and the excitement is starting to push through any negative thoughts I have left. I know I have the knowledge and potential. I just have to keep believing in myself.

Stay positive and nothing can get in the way.

There Is No Reason

Every once in a while I have a Poor Me Moment; rightfully so, though. On January 31, 2011, 28 weeks into my pregnancy, I delivered my first child. It was a girl. A beautiful girl. Perfect from head to toe, except, she made no noise. The only cries in the room weren’t coming from a newborn baby – they were coming from me.

My daughter was not breathing. She was completely still and her eyes were closed. She looked like she was sleeping. If only that were the case…

It’s almost been four years and I still have flashbacks to that nightmare of a day. The flashbacks come without warning and always feel like a knife stabbing directly into my heart. Tears sting my eyes as I try to blink them back.

You know that saying, “Everything happens for a reason”? Yeah, that one. I hate that saying.

Whenever I hear someone say it, I cringe. I just want to ask them what they think the reasoning is that my child had to die. Was I not good enough? Did I do something wrong? Does God, if there is one, hate me? What did I do that caused me this punishment of lifelong heartache?

I live every day of my life wondering what my daughter would be like. What kind of child she would be. Who would she resemble most?

I look at my most recent creation – my second daughter. Watching her with my stepdaughters (her sisters)…she absolutely adores them. I love seeing the way her eyes light up whenever they’re around. But, we only get them every other weekend. On those weekends that they aren’t with us I watch my daughter play and my mind wanders off to my own little fantasy world where her older sister would be here with us. A friend to play with and follow around every day.

I just wonder what life would be like, how different things would be.

But, I try not to linger too much on the past and all of those “what ifs” as I know that isn’t how this life of mine should be lived. I’m just thankful for all these things and people that are in my life that I’m so thankful to have. I focus on the positive things and remind myself of how lucky I am in the long run. Things didn’t turn out as expected, but, do they ever?

Being a bereaved parent I have learned a lot. The biggest thing for me is that life goes on whether you want it to or not. I don’t allow myself to wallow in my sorrows. I look at myself as someone who had the strength to experience this great loss and I still made it through back into the light. I stand in the warmth of the sun’s light and count my blessings – I have a guardian angel. She gave me strength, taught me just how precious life is, and is the first to give me my most cherished title: Mom.

Time Flies

As I sit here watching my daughter play, I wonder where has the time gone?

I’ll be 26 in less than a week. This February I’ll have been married for four years. I’m the stepmother of a 13 year old and a 10 year old – when I first started dating their father they were only 8 and 5. I delivered my first daughter, who was stillborn, what will be four years ago this upcoming January. My youngest daughter just turned one less than a month ago.

Where has the time gone?

It’s no joke that kids speed up your life’s clock. But, I’m not complaining. I love every second of motherhood and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.